Just for laughs - Zen Teachings

ZEN Teachings

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just leave me alone.

2. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

3. No one is listening until you fart.

4. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

5. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the wind shield.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience and most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass . then things just get worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night......

Happy Thursday. :-)

Words We Use

Watch the words you use to describe yourself.  Words can be either healthy or toxic.  It depends on context and intent.  If you mean yourself harm when you call yourself "stupid" then you are using words in a toxic manner and it will harm you.  Once, maybe not but my guess if you've said it once, you've said it a lot.  Say harmful words enough and they will start to own you.  I use self-deprecating humour only to make people laugh.  If it's something I belive then I watch it closely.  Watch your toxic works and if you can't help but think they are true.  Change the words you use and you'll see a difference.

Happiness is Contagious!

Not sure how to feel better when you are down?  Instead of just complaining, call someone who is always happy!  Surely there is someone out there that always makes you laugh.  Yesterday, I was a little down in the morning but, I then saw the funniest Youtube video about a cat that puts it's head under the faucet.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uW_-oyAldfo I was intantly in a better mood.  From now on, I'm going to search Youtube for humor!